Embrace the Uncertainty

Embrace the Uncertainty

Somehow it is almost December, and the last month of 2017. I feel like I’ve learnt a lot about myself this year. I don’t quite know how to explain what i’ve learnt, but I just feel like I’ve finally grasped the concept of giving yourself more power in your own life. You have the power to do what you really want to. You have the power to make the effort or not make the effort. You have the power to decide how you let your morning affect the rest of your day. You have the power to control what you do with your life or what you don’t do with your life, and it doesn’t need to revolve around other people unless you want it to. You do not need to prove anything to anyone, you are enough.

Everyone is on their own unique journey and working it out for themselves as they go. You can’t compare your chapter 50 with someone else’s chapter 129. Recently I’ve given a lot of thought into what do I really want to do with my life and where will I end up living. I spend too much of my life worrying. Worrying about when I’ll be living in the same city as my family again. Worrying about missing my little siblings grow up and not being there for them. Worrying when i’ll be able to catch up with my best friends in South Africa for longer than a day or two. Worrying about wasting time where I could be elsewhere.

I know I will always have some ‘worry’ in me, but I feel like i’ve some how breathed in new “embrace the uncertainty” air. Some of the most beautiful chapters in our lives won’t have a title until much later on. All the experiences, mistakes, lessons and laughs are all parts of chapters in your life. Some bad, some good, but all a lesson. I look back on so many memories and remember some times where it felt like it was the end of the world, but life just goes on. I also look back on absolutely incredible memories where only later on do you realize their significance and value.

I wish I could hold onto some memories and just never let go.  That’s why I’m learning to live in the moment and appreciate what you have now, because I know I’ll look back and wish I made the most of it. There is no point of dwelling/ living in the past just as much as there is no point stressing about what hasn’t even happened yet.  “Trust the wait. Embrace the uncertainty. Enjoy the beauty of becoming. When nothing is certain, anything becomes possible.”

One of the only things constant in life is change. I don’t want to look back in a few years when I reach 30 and think about how I spent my 20s worrying about my future. I want to use my 20s to find myself, to learn how to truly live in the moment, go on adventures and travel, to work hard and save up, to be productive and achieve my goals, to challenge myself and accomplish things I didn’t think I could. I want to try my hardest to set myself up for my best life possible, but also let myself be human and live a little.  Not every day can be perfect, but make the most of your life and your circumstances. Have faith that it will all work out.

Who knows if I’ll ever know why I won a greencard in the D.V lottery. Who knows what my life would have looked life if I didn’t and I was still in South Africa. Who knows what made me think I had had the courage to move across the world and leave my family and best friends.  Who knows if I’d be the same person I am today if I didn’t have to go through those life changing experiences.  But I believe there always has to be a reason even if I don’t know it yet.


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International Family.

International Family.

So September managed to creep up on us and somehow the summer is over, it’s starting to get colder and there are still so many things I want to do before Autumn/ Fall arrived……. Oh and did I mention my family moved to England? Casual.

It’s hard to put it all into words as it’s an unexplainable feeling. My mom, step-dad and sister Rachel have moved to Cheadle in England to start their new lives among the Brits! The plan has been in motion for years and after a grueling process of getting everything in order, they have their British residency permits, and have finally done the big move! Rachel has a student VISA and is studying at a film school in Leeds which I am so beyond proud of her for. Talk about a college experience!

My mom and Craig have both been working hard and already have jobs. Luckily they have awesome family friends there who own a Deli that they now work with and have helped them get aclamated to Cheadle with love and support. My mom will be working with Jewish Social Services which is something she’s very passionate about and has a ton of experience with, so that is just amazing that it has all worked out so well.

In this short time since they moved (a few weeks!) they have managed to find a house, jobs and a car, and I could not be more proud of them. I know the struggle of having to move across the world but this time was different. I moved my life in suitcases. This time, our house was packed up. This time it was “my home” – and by home I mean my family – actually leaving South Africa to start a new life. It’s such a weird feeling because when I moved I knew I always had a clear image of my HOME back in South Africa. Now I’m getting used to them being in a completely new environment and with a new time zone.

It’s definitely not goodbye. I still have three little siblings, tons of amazing family and friends in SA who I plan on still seeing as frequently as possible and will always be a significant part of my life and who I am. Vacation time split across SA and England will definitely be tough but so worth it. I just need to win the lottery already so I can use my private jet to visit everyone I love around the world (and of course share my millions).

Who knows what the future holds, or where my future will be.  It sucks that I’m still apart from my family and alot of my best friends. Nevertheless I know this experience will be one I will look back on and think “Damn, you did that all by yourself and look how far you’ve come since.”

I’ve now got an (even more) international family, but I know there is a reason we are all where we are right now and one day we’ll all be together. I know so many people that wish they could get away from their parents and family and it makes absolutely no sense to me. Family is so important. Yes some will drive you a little insane but at the end of the day, trust me it is monumentally better than not being able to see them or hug them or all the little things you miss not being in their daily lives.

I guess one of the pros of having an international family is all the travelling. Last year we met up in Amsterdam after my Europe trip and it was absolutely incredible. My mom came to visit me in Atlanta and we went to visit our family in Canada for my birthday, and it was probably the highlight of my entire year. Make the most of every second you get to spend with family and those you love.

I’m so proud of my family for everything they’ve achieved so far, and it’s only the beginning! South Africa will always be home. My roots are just more widely spread out across the world now 😛

Here’s to many happy years in Cheadle my beautiful family ❤




Reasons to be happy

Reasons to be happy

Besides the fact that we woke up today, we’re breathing and we’re alive – I found myself thinking about so many reasons to be happy this morning. For the first time in a long time, I feel settled. I’ve slowly managed to accomplish a lot for myself here in Atlanta, and having my mom visit has been the icing/cherry/giant brownie on the cake. Sometimes when you’re trying to live by taking each day at a time, after a while you lose sight of how far you’ve come or how great your life actually is when you just live in the moment.

Having my family here with me in the States would make life a bizzilion times better/ easier but that doesn’t change the fact that I do have a pretty awesome life here now. Yes, the number one thing I wish for is being able to see my family and friends but you’ve got to just appreciate what’s possible and enjoy every second I do get with them when I get the chance. It’s been incredible being able to show my mom around Atlanta; where I stay and where I work, the beautiful nature, the city, the people in my life here. It’s an awesome feeling knowing she is more connected to my life here now that she has seen it with her own eyes, as opposed to the countless Facetime sessions.

I’m Twenty Four years old in 9 days. Super exciting yet nerve-racking, as everyone older than me keeps telling me that every year of your life will keep going by faster and faster as you get older. Nevertheless I look forward to what my future brings. I’m proud and blessed to have had my experiences and memories from my past, and I’m excited for my 24th year on Earth. I feel like I’m at an awesome age – I have a great job where I feel significant and valued, I’m independent, I’ve traveled the world and still have so much to see, and I don’t have any serious life-long responsibilities at this stage of my life. I’ve got my degree and I’m going to start applying for my post-graduate studies to see what my options are here for Psychology. I finally have a car here which is monumentally life changing and really made me feel more stable and secure. 

My family (Mom, Abba & Rachel) have the opportunity to move to Manchester, England at the end of the year – which is going to be such an incredible adventure for them. I so look forward to having them a little closer to America! I’m excited for them and I know as challenging as it can be moving to a new country, if I can do it then they definitely can. It’s sad to think about selling our home, but ‘home’ for me over these last few years has had to be in the hearts of those whom I love. My family and friends are my home. They are what hold me together when I feel unraveled. Even though I wouldn’t change this experience of my journey to independence, self-realization and self-love – it makes a massive difference having the support system I have around the world. I’m so lucky to live in a day and age where most of my closest friends and family live around the world and I can still be in contact with them daily through the internet.

Next weekend I’m flying to Canada to spend the weekend with my family and finally to meet my gorgeous baby cousin Kailash. Being able to spend my birthday with my mom and my awesome Canada family is going to be bloody incredible. Plus, Ottawa is magnificent! I cannot wait. Also, one of my Atlanta besties Claire and I almost share a birthday, so we’re having a little fiesta together next week to celebrate before I’m away for the weekend. It’s nothing major, but just being able to have a get-together with the cool people part of my life here is massive to me. The last few birthdays since I left SA have been pretty awful/ average to say the least, so I am really looking forward to having a fantastic birthday with no expectations – just awesome people. 

Overall today I feel grateful, happy and hopeful. Hopeful that life will work out the way it is meant to; for me, my family and everyone I love. There is always something to be grateful for.

“Happiness is letting go of what you think your life is meant to look like, and celebrating it for everything that it is.”