Somehow it is almost December, and the last month of 2017. I feel like I’ve learnt a lot about myself this year. I don’t quite know how to explain what i’ve learnt, but I just feel like I’ve finally grasped the concept of giving yourself more power in your own life. You have the power to do what you really want to. You have the power to make the effort or not make the effort. You have the power to decide how you let your morning affect the rest of your day. You have the power to control what you do with your life or what you don’t do with your life, and it doesn’t need to revolve around other people unless you want it to. You do not need to prove anything to anyone, you are enough.
Everyone is on their own unique journey and working it out for themselves as they go. You can’t compare your chapter 50 with someone else’s chapter 129. Recently I’ve given a lot of thought into what do I really want to do with my life and where will I end up living. I spend too much of my life worrying. Worrying about when I’ll be living in the same city as my family again. Worrying about missing my little siblings grow up and not being there for them. Worrying when i’ll be able to catch up with my best friends in South Africa for longer than a day or two. Worrying about wasting time where I could be elsewhere.
I know I will always have some ‘worry’ in me, but I feel like i’ve some how breathed in new “embrace the uncertainty” air. Some of the most beautiful chapters in our lives won’t have a title until much later on. All the experiences, mistakes, lessons and laughs are all parts of chapters in your life. Some bad, some good, but all a lesson. I look back on so many memories and remember some times where it felt like it was the end of the world, but life just goes on. I also look back on absolutely incredible memories where only later on do you realize their significance and value.
I wish I could hold onto some memories and just never let go. That’s why I’m learning to live in the moment and appreciate what you have now, because I know I’ll look back and wish I made the most of it. There is no point of dwelling/ living in the past just as much as there is no point stressing about what hasn’t even happened yet. “Trust the wait. Embrace the uncertainty. Enjoy the beauty of becoming. When nothing is certain, anything becomes possible.”
One of the only things constant in life is change. I don’t want to look back in a few years when I reach 30 and think about how I spent my 20s worrying about my future. I want to use my 20s to find myself, to learn how to truly live in the moment, go on adventures and travel, to work hard and save up, to be productive and achieve my goals, to challenge myself and accomplish things I didn’t think I could. I want to try my hardest to set myself up for my best life possible, but also let myself be human and live a little. Not every day can be perfect, but make the most of your life and your circumstances. Have faith that it will all work out.
Who knows if I’ll ever know why I won a greencard in the D.V lottery. Who knows what my life would have looked life if I didn’t and I was still in South Africa. Who knows what made me think I had had the courage to move across the world and leave my family and best friends. Who knows if I’d be the same person I am today if I didn’t have to go through those life changing experiences. But I believe there always has to be a reason even if I don’t know it yet.